My mother tells me that when I was two years old I’d throw a tantrum if my socks didn’t match. I refused to go out of the house until I was wearing exactly what I wanted to wear. Still today, if I’m wearing something that doesn’t feel right, I’ll change my clothes.
A week ago my favorite men’s shop sent me a notice they were closing shop, and the savings would be huge. I arrived five minutes before opening, and joined a line-up that stretched around the block. I’ve never seen so many men in such a fuss about clothes. But I have to say, I walked out of there with $6000.00 worth of clothes (for $500.00). Yes, Judas, the money could have been spent for a better cause. But I felt great. Still do.
Then a couple of days ago I caught myself daydreaming in the shower. In my mind, my colleagues at work took a look at what I was wearing. One of them quipped, “Aren’t you a dandy?” The rest of the staff started to laugh. In my imagination, I didn’t know whether to be offended or to laugh with them.
I got out of the shower, toweled off, and looked in my closet for what I wanted to wear to work. I literally tried on three different shirts until it felt right. That’s when the smile broke out across my face, thinking about my daydream scenario. The truth is that I do have a “dandy” as a sub-personality. I love nice clothes, well-stitched suits, fine cloth that hangs right, shoes that are hand-made, and the right combination of textures. And every once in a blue moon, a sale comes along that enables me to buy some nice stuff.
It struck me that the ability to laugh at oneself with others is a sign of an evolving self-sense. During my sartorial tantrums, at two years old, I didn’t have a self-image. My self-image had me. I was my socks! I couldn’t laugh at the fact that my matching socks had become an ultimate concern, because I couldn’t get outside myself.
This is what Robert Kegan is getting at when he writes about “subject-object” dynamics. We can either look at our self, or look through our self. When the self that we’re looking through becomes the self that we are able to look at (subject has become object), we’ve evolved. We’ve gained perspective. And those perspectives are described by his stages (impulsive, imperial, interpersonal, institutional, and inter-individual).
So next time, your buddies make a crack at you being a control freak, and you find yourself getting defensive, just stop and witness your reactivity. They may be seeing something that you are unable at this point see clearly. You may even feel shame, and conclude that they are shaming you. But most likely they are just poking fun at you. Is it possible that the shame is caused by them seeing you before you had a chance to see yourself clearly? Is it possible that you are still subject to your control freak? Your defensiveness is information that you are still looking through your control freak, but can’t look at it. We gotta get more serious about the evolutionary practice of laughing at ourselves!
Seeing as there are so various families buying online and likewise exploring the internet market place, it has become increasingly famous to purchase medications online. So the next question is where can you get data that is reliable. You can find useful information fleetly and conveniently by going online. The most common sexual problems in men are erectile dysfunction and ejaculation disorders. A lot of doctors think about “levitra cost“. Did learned some about “buy levitra online usa“? Other question we are going to is “buy generic levitra online“. In effect, a medicinal reviews found that up to three quarters of men on such preparation experience side effects. Luckily, most cases of sexual dysfunction are treatable, so it is momentous to share your concerns with your partner and physician. Today, there are many options for men who suffer from erectile disfunction. Get emergency help if you have any of these signs of a side effect to this medication. Talk to your heartiness care purveyor to see if it’s sure to make the switch.